Deep breaths
Deep breaths… I’ve been consuming a lot of those lately.
Getting back into my breath has been an essential tool these past few weeks. I’m so in it right now (you’ve been there, you get it), but I’m grateful to be. I’m grateful for this love within me, the love I gave and received. I’m so grateful for the chance to share it and I’m grateful to recognize the rooms it simply doesn’t work in. I’m grateful for the grief that hits me hard and fast proving to me how much I’ve cared, how much I’ve loved, and how lucky I am for the experience. I’m the luckiest girl I know (she tells herself daily) and I am beyond blessed.
Now, to be frank, I may not feel so “blessed and grateful” when the waves come at work, in front of strangers, walking down the street, checking out at fucking Walgreen’s… though once it passes, and the peace returns, I can’t help but express a sense of gratitude for it all. What a gift to be alive, to feel.
I wrote a song called FWIW and said, “If not ours, find your table & seat”. I want everyone to win, to grow, to experience love and excitement for this beautiful life that we’re blessed to live. I’m also coming to terms, again, with the fact that some people, some stunning, wonderful, incredible people, aren’t meant to surround us long term. I’m learning sometimes, for whatever reason, people change, leave, pass and we’re left with ourselves. (again)
What’s important here, I think, is to avoid judgement, avoid criticism directed at ourselves or others. What a waste of time. Who am I to judge someone else, shame someone else, think I know better for someone else’s life or journey? Mine is mine and theirs is theirs. We’re so quick to offer assumptions, judgements, advice, expectations, etc. to one another that we lose out on the most important thing: connection. Presence. Honest, open, raw human companionship that says, “I’m here, I care, I love you, I hear you, I’ve got you”.
I want to instill hope in people. I’ve made so many mistakes, mistakes that TO THIS DAY can make me physically cringe, but I’m grateful for those too. My ability to connect with anyone, see them, understand their story has only served me, but this is a muscle be to grown and that happens through tear and effort. Building the skillsets of kindness, respect and understanding take work like any other skill. I don’t do it perfect, I don’t think anybody in the KRU does, but we must try.
My prayer daily has been “I trust You; make it so easy” and I’ve been met. The ability to feel my emotions and alchemize them into song is such a gift. Brings me back to feeling like the luckiest girl alive. I soothe myself through song and I get to give that away to people!? I was on TikTok live a few days ago and got to serenade a woman battling her cancer - are you kidding? We sobbed together, through the phone, and I felt it again. That thing inside me that says, “do this, chase this, give it to the people”.
Try this with me:
*Deep breath* I am safe. I am lovable. I’m neither too much nor not enough.
*Deep breath* I am capable of spectacular things beyond my wildest dreams.
*Deep breath* I get to use my special gifts to love and serve people.
*Deep breath*
Honestly, idk how I feel about a blog post/journal entry online, but I just HAVE to continue to program this brain of mine - show you how I do it, how possible it is, how malleable we are… Shoot, you shift your habits and actively program your mindset, that’ll change your life. Same with trusting God. There’s so much hope, more than you know.
-KR